i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
