At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The uberlube is also flammable
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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