so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
