TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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