that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
