Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize