i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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