she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i've created a new STD.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize