Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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