I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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