New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im holly from the hills drunk
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
