I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
