My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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