So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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