Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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