There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
