I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
