Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
