Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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