trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
