i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
