Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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