i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
