he wants to bone in the snuggie
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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