Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
