you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
