He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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