Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
