I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
