So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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