"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize