The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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