from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
