So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
