i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
