If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
