i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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