Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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