I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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