Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
