I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
soo... how was my night?
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