You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Floor bacon is actually really good
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
