Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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