I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
