Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize