I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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