I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
