thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
