He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
