also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
