I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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