im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
