I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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