umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
