I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
