Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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