Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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