Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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