time to smoke my breakfast
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
