I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
