but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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