I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
