if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
