do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
