do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize