i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
