??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
