They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
