the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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