saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
