We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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