whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
