She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
