I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize