Umm I'm too high to move.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
