just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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