I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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