I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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