Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
