Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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