HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
