That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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